About Squirrels

and squirrel things

Now that the trees are bare of leaves, I can see the clusters of squirrel nests outside my study window. They’re clumps of brown–leaves, twigs, things found– suspended in trees, usually where a thick branch connects to the trunk. 

I wonder about the process the squirrels go through to choose their nests. Do squirrel couples consider the total squirrel population in the neighborhood? Do they visit a tree and, upon assessing the solid nature of the tree, look around at the nests in the other trees and determine that the area is too busy? or do they look around at the sorts of potential and actual squirrel commerce and decide that the tree is too far from the conveniences and amenities that they have grown accustomed to having? This tree is really far from the McDonalds. What do we do if we really want to nab a french fry or a good smelling paper wad? 

Do squirrel couples consider the species diversity of the neighborhood? Do they consider the diversity of tree species? Pine cones are an all year food. Do they observe the bird life? Are vultures considered civic waste management? When hawks move into a neighborhood do squirrel real estate prices plummet? To what extent does the squirrel economy rely on the assumption that nest value appreciates over time? What is the standard loan term for a squirrel mortgage? How long do squirrels live, anyway? Do they pay in nuts? Are there nut banks? Is an oak tree basically a squirrel money market? Do they have advertisements that warn, “Investment involves risk. As a general rule, you should only trade in financial products that you are familiar with and understand the risk associated with them.”? Squirrels seem to understand nuts. 

Do squirrel couples spend time in their nests assessing the real estate purchases of their peer squirrels? Do they access public information regarding the nut per square inch value of the nest and compare the value paid to the value assumed based on squirrel aesthetic and cultural value? Do squirrels ask their significant others questions about random past squirrel school classmates and ponder how they accumulated enough nuts to get into that thick oak on the back side of the bluff in the nature preserve? Twenty years ago, that squirrel couldn’t tell you who was squirrel president, how are they able to get into those digs? Again, how long do squirrels live?

Google tells me squirrels live about 2-6 years. That’s hardly enough time to reap the economic benefits of planting an acorn. Oak tree planting is a multi-generational sort of wealth investment. Squirrels must have really good lawyers. 

In wordy wordiness,

Walter